First off, I would like to start of by apologizing for not sharing a new post on the blog in a few, I had somethings that I had to deal with separate from having an illness. I won't say I am sorry for my overall disappearance, because having IC will make anyone disappear for a while. I for one am a person who will take a step back from things even when at times I know that I don't want to but I know that I need to.
During a fare, especially when its really bad, I tend to come outside of myself, and cant think straight all the time, especially when its a double flare. What is a double flare or a flare period? I am sure your asking yourself this question. For me a flare is an increase in my symptoms that are already always present, which more urination, urgency, back, kidney and bladder pain, and pain in my navel, which includes burning in my bladder, back and kidneys. ( NO I DON'T HAVE A UTI OR A KIDNEY INFECTION!!!)
I am sure you also wondering when and how often do I flare? To be honest a flare for me is pretty much constant, after each and every time after urination, the flare is instant. There has been times when it got so bad that my eyes and lips felt as if they were burning as well. Is this a symptom of IC I don't know, maybe its changing, only the good Lord knows. When it becomes too much for me to handle and it can be oh so hard to deal with, I go into a shell and do nothing, including write. I know that writing and posting a new article on the blog everyday may increase the amount of people who subscribe,and the number of views will go up drastically, but I want to be honest here I cant do this every single day like some do.
IC causes me to lose my focus even when I am doing something that I need to do. I have trouble going to sleep at night and staying asleep throughout the entire night. My dreams are often wild, vivid and passed crazy. One night I had a dream that I slept in a boiler ( Yes in the boiler that was not a typo). When the water filled up and I stated to get hot, I woke up and ended up in a tree looking for my husband, and just before I fell out of it, I woke up in a flare. ( I guess the burning water was a sign a flare was coming on). I honestly don't know its something that I have been figuring out and I have no choice but to go with the flow.
There are other times when I am so tired that I cant think straight, walk straight, oh heck just be plain straight, a line if you will. There are many times when I have wished that I was a board. Those of you without this may not get it, but i'm sure if you have it you will understand better. Boards have no feeling, okay maybe it did when it was still consider a tree, before getting chopped down and turned into a piece of ply wood. The wind doesn't cause it any pain, it's just there with no resistance, its no longer a force of anything unless picked up and used for something. It would be nice to wake up to a life of no pain. I am only relieved a little from my symptoms during the summer time, and its only for a short period of time. I speak for myself here only, because there are plenty of people who walk around without ever having a moment of no pain. The weather affects me too, the changes in my very own personal environment does so also, for example my symptoms go from 8-100 as soon as I step foot into my kitchen. Why? because my kitchen is cold, and is always, always cold. I cant even open the refrigerator door without flaring, and hurting, but I don't have much of a choice, I still have to eat, cook, and clean when I can, that's as normal as it gets for me.
I have other duties that take me away from blogging like a bat out of hell, such as my children and my husband. I have to be a mother even when the mother in me want's to run away and hide from all the pain and drama, that comes with being a mom. My kids drive me off the wall and make me want to scream, but I take a breath and keep going just as I do with all that aisle me. IC pushes back and I push harder and harder each and every time. When disappear again, because I am sure that I will, its only because my body speaks to me and I choose to listen to it, we all should!
Fibro, makes my fingers hurt, and I haven't yet figured out why my middle finger on my right had swells, and hurts to the point that I can't bend it. Nerve pain shoots through every part of my body and the worse is my toes, and ankles. I even had my knee go out on me walking up the stairs and all I could do was sit there until it went away, and I was able to continue with what I was doing.
When both fibro and IC give me a swat at life, I do swat back, by taking a step back and remembering that I am only human, and what works for some wont work for me. I will blog at my pace and continue to do so at my own pace. I only have one body, and I have to learn to use it the best way that I can, and whichever way that works for me.
So always remember to do what makes you comfortable at your own speed and pace. Trust in yourself and always, always listen to your body for it knows when it knows when it needs rest. Our bodies talk to us each and every day we just have to listen and stop, when its over worked. sleep when you can sleep and if you can't sleep TRY TO FIND THINGS THAT MAKE YOU RELAX!!!
even if its reading a book, lying in the dark, or polishing your toes and feet. Each of us has something you just have to be willing to find out what it is.
" Bladder Me Crazy" Interstitial Cystitis,
Until next post... Stay strong, keep fighting, and never give up!